May 18, 2013

The Perks Of Being Pale


No matter where you live: California, The Midwest, Canada or Europe, it seems that everyone has a desperate desire to be a beautifully bronzed goddess. Unfortunately for 80% of us (and yes, this is a completely made up statistic to prove a point), we were born melanin handicapped, otherwise known as pale. To be one of the very few white girls in California (the land of fake n' bake/orange people) was excruciating. Everyone lived for the tanning bed as I hid from the sun. As the years went on, the difference in our colorings became more apparent, and soon it was a daily event for someone to ask numerous questions about my skin...
  • Why are you SO white?
  • Do you EVER go in the sun?
  • Why don't you go tanning?
  • Why don't you lay out?
  • Have you thought of a spray tan?
AND MY FAVORITE...
  • Really? You're going to wear shorts? 

Each question was accompanied by a look of overwhelming disgust. I quickly understood that my apathetic attitude towards brown skin was unbearable (for others), and I began to get the feeling that my personal brand of white was traumatizing the human race. I suddenly became completely uncomfortable in my fair skin and I pushed to change everything about myself. For one entire summer, I used a combination of St. Tropez Bronzing Mouse and Jergens Gradual Tan to change my beautiful alabaster glow to a muddy orange mess; in my mind, anything was better than my unfortunate evolutionary mishap. I spent hundreds of dollars to look closer to an oompa-loompa than a human, accomplishing nothing more than ruining my clothes and sheets. The more I tried to become tan, the more I began to resent it.

I soon had an epiphany....

 I actually didn't mind my white skin...at all.

I never once looked at my skin and thought, "WOW, I am so white. That is so disgusting! Why has the universe cursed me so!?" After a time of personal reflection, I realized that I was tanning with one goal in mind: to get everyone off my back! I wanted the criticism to stop; I wanted to go a day without a barrage of ridiculous questions accompanied by a "stank face". I realized that everyone else, NOT ME, had the problem with my skin color. These days I rock my short-shorts, tanks and flips...daring the world to say something

Just try it


Being light skinned may not be the "in thing" at the moment, but there are some forgotten perks to being pale...
  • You age slower. Have you ever noticed that those who worship the sun have defined wrinkles, even at a young age? Sun-damage ages you much more quickly, and if you want the fountain of youth, it's staying out of the sun. If you still need proof, scroll down to the picture of Britney Spears vs. Dita Von Teese (go on now).
  • It's less expensive to be fair. You don't have to spend money on fake tanning lotions or tanning beds. Also, your make-up color doesn't change from season to season. As the summer comes, you're still the same as you were in winter, so that expensive foundation is still perfect to wear. You don't have to try to find a new color, it's so much less hassle and you'll never have a "make-up mask".
  • Less risk of cancer. C'mon, this is an obvious one. You are at a higher risk for skin cancer with each severe sunburn, especially those obtained at a young age.
    Tanned: Age 31                              Fair: Age 40

    Let's recap: fair skin saves money, make-up is easier to purchase, it keeps you looking younger and it helps to prevent cancer. From what I can tell, being a pale person is super convenient! So maybe you glow in the sun (and probably in the dark), so your veins are easily seen (you'll just attract a hot vampire like Roman Godfrey) and maybe you get a few awkward stares here and there (they're just jealous of how fine you look)...
       
      ...being fair is beautiful
      .

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