The White Picket Fence

Once in a while it's nice to venture away from my hokie little hood. As it's halfway to May, California has entered its season known as "Hot-Shit I'm Burning Alive!" Feeling my skin burning, frying, boiling (and any other metaphor that you can think of to describe a ginger person in the summer), I ran from the scorching 90 degree valley to a tiny bay town that is the embodiment of The American Dream.

It's so quaint and wholesome that Pleasantville would be envious.

This magical little place looks as though it's been plucked straight from The Gold Rush Era; Main Street is lined with old settlement buildings (now converted into shops and businesses), and ancient Victorian homes peer through grandmother oak trees. At the end of every historical street is a dock leading into the cool waters of the bay; a perfect spot to enjoy the sun without melting like The Bad Witch of Oz.

Throughout the day I visited my grandparent's old house, a few fairytale mansions and the boat filled marina. I think that if I ever settled down somewhere (which is honestly very unlikely), it would be here.

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                

As I came to The Yacht Club and the waterfront homes, I noticed a number of young people out and about. 

I scanned the various young men thinking....

"Future rich husband...is that you?"

 

                                                                                                                                                      

Quick little fact....

These are old camel stables from the 1940's. This town in particular was a U.S Army weapons center and apparently during World War II, The U.S was testing the use of camels in combat.

Really America?

Jellies And Scrunchies

I've recently stumbled upon a post entitled "The 90's Tag". I was tickled when I noticed that the girl completing the questionnaire was a mere and delicate 15. No little muffin cake...you are not a 90's kid.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little 90's obsessed. It was just the perfect decade.

Back in the day...

-"Mmmm Bop" was my jam and Taylor Hanson was my everything.
-Devon Sawa was Casper and possessed by the devil; AND still so fine!
-Bayside High, Kelly Kapowski and Zack Morris's cell phone. Enough said.

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-The weekend meant TGIF, SNICK and Stick Stickley.

 -There was nothing more stressful than calling up electronic boys on Dream Phone.
-All I wanted in life was to be Baby Spice on The Big Red Bus.
-True fear was Are You Afraid Of The Dark? and playing Bloody Mary at midnight.
-"Welcome to Goodburger, home of The Goodburger, can I take your order?"
-Going to school rocking the faded jeans, jellies and scrunchies.

 -"Mr. Feeny....MR. FEENY!"

-Head bobbing like a thug to The Moffats in my ultra green walk-man.
-Slap bracelets were both the perfect accessory and a deadly weapon (against my brother).
-Buffy The Vampire Slayer was a more valley girl movie than Clueless could ever be.
-Amanda Bynes was Dear Ashley (thaaaaat's me!) and not completely insane.
-Afternoons meant TRL, Carson Daly, Boyband Wars and "Hit Me Baby One More Time".

AND THIS.....



The Original BAMF President



What were your favorite things from the best decade?

This?

I Survived San Francisco 2007

YEARS AGO, I started out my college career in San Francisco. As a kid, I loved taking day trips to San Francisco; going to Pier 39, Ghiridelli Square and piddling around the various ethnic neighborhoods. It was always the perfect place to runaway to when the valley was 110 degrees and The Bay was 60.

As it turns out, San Francisco is pretty F'ed UP and my first year of college was bizarre (to say the least).

• During the first few weeks in the dorms, the boys who lived across the hall decided to smoke weed. The police were called, but of course they boys refused to open the door. The police officer then removed their door by the hinges and found all the boys (and a few girls) hiding in armoires.
• I and a few friends went to the above boys apartment after they were kicked out of the dorms. A boy and girl I had gone with became belligerent drunks and at 2am, the girl decided to scream to the boy, "Why won't you just have sex with me?!" in the middle of the road. The police were called, and they followed us all the way back to the dorms. I've never wanted to yell, "Shut the fuck up!" more in my life.
• I went to a restaurant called Steps of Rome in Little Italy. As we ate, Usher's "Yeah" started to play and the lights went low. A guy attempted to give him girlfriend a lap-dance. Unimpressed, the incredibly creepy waiters came to my friend and I to demonstrate a proper lap-dance. HORRIFYING.
• On Halloween we went to a few parties and one of the girls (same girl screaming about sex above) became so drunk and disappeared. We didn't hear from her for 3 days. I still have no idea where she was.
• In my public speaking class, my teacher did not approve of a student saying "that's so gay". As punishment, she told him to get up and sing a song. He began to unbutton his top and sing "I'm too sexy for my shirt...." Best moment in a class ever.
• I was coming home from a shopping trip downtown and while on MUNI (subway), a couple of boys said "Yo man, let's thizz" and popped some pills. Thizz is Bay Slang for Ecstacy. Have you ever watched someone go from normal to fucked up on a subway?
• The night before first semester finals, I went in a group of 20 to a Japanese restaurant; one that didn't card. I was the one sober person in a massive group of Sake Bombing 18 year-olds. Waiting for MUNI to take us back home, the boys were peeing in the bushes, the girls were falling onto the tracks and the police were circling us, just.watching. That night I decided to keep at 30 foot distance from everyone. Friends? What friends? I don't know them.
• Pulling an all-nighter, my roommate stumbled in drunk and stoned. Pissed that this was that 100th time, I texted my brother, "I'm so sick of Julie's drunk ass!". Well, my brother's name also starts with a J, and his name was directly above hers in my cellphone. I definitely texted her my shit talking and I spent the rest of the night in a screaming match with a high person.
• In the fall, there is something called Love Fest. On this day, college students dress up in wacky outfits and travel in herds downtown. Everyone else attends in NO clothing at all (it's NOT illegal to be naked in public that day). I came across a naked man in a cowboy hat, rollerblading near Forever 21.
• In Haight-Ashbury, a homeless, dreadlocked 20 something, with a cat on his shoulder, looked at me said, "Look at the yuppies!", then barked. I then came upon a homeless man with a beggar sign that read, "Smile if you masturbate." After you laugh, it turns over to say "I'm psychic, payment required".

Haight in a nutshell

If you Google Weird San Francisco, you get Real San Francisco.

I SURVIVED SAN FRANCISCO 2007

Jurassic Park Is Real

Back in the summer I took a trip to The Redwoods with my best friend. We had a plan to hike, but when we arrived, it seemed that all of NorCal had the same idea. Knowing how much we hate all other people, we kept driving past the national park until we came upon a beach. Hiking from the shore to the top of the clouds, we somehow entered the world of Jurassic Park.

The Sombrero Wearing Superhero

Today was another day of blood tests, but before walking around with more bruises and a giant bandage on my arm, I ran to the shop to grab some odds and ends. While in the store, I noticed a man casually browsing the stacks in a blue cape and sombrero. I looked to see if he was with his son; maybe they were having a father-son dress up day. Nope, he was celebrating Mexican Super Hero Day all by himself. You go sir, you rock that sombrero!

 My greatest regret in life will be never asking him about it.

 He needs his own comic book.

After my day of shopping (and that little trip for a needle prick), I headed to the country.I drove aimlessly for hours once again. By the time I made it home, I still wasn't ready to stay in and be lazy. Seeing as it was such a warm day, I took a stroll through the creek behind my house.

Rock Out With Your Co....Whoa Hold On

As I've mentioned before, I consider myself to be the whitest person to ever walk the earth. I can't wait for The Zombie Apocalypse to begin so I'll finally have pale and purple people to be friends with. I was watching In The Flesh and was thinking "Oh my god, I've found my people!" Kieren even has the blue lips, it's perfect.

For the last 10 years, I've consistently heard some sort of criticism or statement about my skin color. Depending on the person, and even the time of year, this could range from a simple "Wow! You're really white" to "Wow! Do you ever go in the sun? Why don't you go tanning? Go get a spray tan!" I even spent an entire COLLEGE class being interrogated about what would happen if I actually laid out in the sun. Um, I'd burst into flames! 

As summer is just around the corner, I am getting ready for the constant stares, the shocks and the awes when I rock out with my legs out. World...get ready for your retinas to be completely burned by the reflection of my skin. Why? Treatment...duh!  I have so little hemoglobin that my blood is mainly blue, leaving my Irish skin translucent white with patches of grey. Sexy right? Who wants a piece of THIS? Through most of the summer, I will be a giant blue popsical. This means that I will be avoiding my brother, he turns the darkest Portuguese brown. Looks like someone was selfish and took all of the dark skin DNA.

I have a bunch of errands to run later today, and I of course will be rockin' the shorts.
Get your stunna-shades ready y'all.

We All Have Dreams

I've been stuck at home a lot lately and during my quiet days I've had time to think about my hopes and dreams.
 About everything that I wish I could be.
I have to say, it's been pretty philosophical. I've learned so much about myself.

My #1 Dream: To live in a world where I can openly listen to HIP-HOP

EVERY-TIME I roll up in my car and I just happen to be going hard to 2Pac...I get the "DAFUQ" face.

While on my daily drive around, I kept getting weird looks. I even had to turn the volume down as a preventative measure.
It's 2013 people. Shame on you, it's not polite to stare!

Let me be me. It's not my fault that I'm a ginger-blonde-Irish-white-girl.

It's not my fault. It's genetics!