I Survived San Francisco 2007

YEARS AGO, I started out my college career in San Francisco. As a kid, I loved taking day trips to San Francisco; going to Pier 39, Ghiridelli Square and piddling around the various ethnic neighborhoods. It was always the perfect place to runaway to when the valley was 110 degrees and The Bay was 60.

As it turns out, San Francisco is pretty F'ed UP and my first year of college was bizarre (to say the least).

• During the first few weeks in the dorms, the boys who lived across the hall decided to smoke weed. The police were called, but of course they boys refused to open the door. The police officer then removed their door by the hinges and found all the boys (and a few girls) hiding in armoires.
• I and a few friends went to the above boys apartment after they were kicked out of the dorms. A boy and girl I had gone with became belligerent drunks and at 2am, the girl decided to scream to the boy, "Why won't you just have sex with me?!" in the middle of the road. The police were called, and they followed us all the way back to the dorms. I've never wanted to yell, "Shut the fuck up!" more in my life.
• I went to a restaurant called Steps of Rome in Little Italy. As we ate, Usher's "Yeah" started to play and the lights went low. A guy attempted to give him girlfriend a lap-dance. Unimpressed, the incredibly creepy waiters came to my friend and I to demonstrate a proper lap-dance. HORRIFYING.
• On Halloween we went to a few parties and one of the girls (same girl screaming about sex above) became so drunk and disappeared. We didn't hear from her for 3 days. I still have no idea where she was.
• In my public speaking class, my teacher did not approve of a student saying "that's so gay". As punishment, she told him to get up and sing a song. He began to unbutton his top and sing "I'm too sexy for my shirt...." Best moment in a class ever.
• I was coming home from a shopping trip downtown and while on MUNI (subway), a couple of boys said "Yo man, let's thizz" and popped some pills. Thizz is Bay Slang for Ecstacy. Have you ever watched someone go from normal to fucked up on a subway?
• The night before first semester finals, I went in a group of 20 to a Japanese restaurant; one that didn't card. I was the one sober person in a massive group of Sake Bombing 18 year-olds. Waiting for MUNI to take us back home, the boys were peeing in the bushes, the girls were falling onto the tracks and the police were circling us, just.watching. That night I decided to keep at 30 foot distance from everyone. Friends? What friends? I don't know them.
• Pulling an all-nighter, my roommate stumbled in drunk and stoned. Pissed that this was that 100th time, I texted my brother, "I'm so sick of Julie's drunk ass!". Well, my brother's name also starts with a J, and his name was directly above hers in my cellphone. I definitely texted her my shit talking and I spent the rest of the night in a screaming match with a high person.
• In the fall, there is something called Love Fest. On this day, college students dress up in wacky outfits and travel in herds downtown. Everyone else attends in NO clothing at all (it's NOT illegal to be naked in public that day). I came across a naked man in a cowboy hat, rollerblading near Forever 21.
• In Haight-Ashbury, a homeless, dreadlocked 20 something, with a cat on his shoulder, looked at me said, "Look at the yuppies!", then barked. I then came upon a homeless man with a beggar sign that read, "Smile if you masturbate." After you laugh, it turns over to say "I'm psychic, payment required".

Haight in a nutshell

If you Google Weird San Francisco, you get Real San Francisco.

I SURVIVED SAN FRANCISCO 2007